It’s a blog I guess.

Everything I know, don’t know, and feel about death.

To begin, I have not experienced the death of someone close to me yet. It makes me uneasy to put that “yet” in there, but its real. Death makes me uneasy. The unknown makes me uneasy. Here are some of my questions I have about death: How do we handle death? Can we ever really get over the death of someone or do we learn to live with it? People always tell you that it “gets better” after someone dies, or that it “hurts less with time”, but is that really true? How can you get over the disappearance of someone from off of the face of the planet? Do we mourn the person, or de we mourn the memories that they have left behind? Or both? Why do we have more questions about death than we do answers? Where do the thoughts and memories of those who pass go? Does believing in a higher power and believing in the afterlife make death easier to handle?

What I do know is that death is very unpredictable, yet it is the only sure thing in this world. It’s like a paradox.

I’m a virgin to death and that scares me. I’ve come this far and have been so gratefully shielded from this everlasting change. I’m terrified of the feelings I will feel when the time comes. I am an incredibly nostalgic person; I keep people who are bad for me in my life because I am attached to the memories I have with them. It may be that I don’t like change, or it may be that I feel like I am losing a part of myself if someone leaves. I’m scared of questioning if that person even existed in the first place. I’m scared of all of the things that may have gone unsaid. I’m scared of the regret that comes with death. I’m scared of not being able to talk to that person whenever I want to or need to.

For now, for my wellbeing, I’m going to pause this spiral I’m going down. I want to preserve this peace of mind I have for as long as I can. I hope I don’t come back to this until many many years down the line.

I ain’t got time for that!

Twenty-four hours in a day. Ideally, eight of those hours is spent sleeping. That leaves us with sixteen. You go to work or school for seven, that leaves us with nine.